No, not in Margaritaville... From God.
Drifting away again from God.
When in the world will I learn? Live and dwell in Him.
It's simple. Truly, simple.
Seek and you will find. I'm not sure where that is in the bible, but EVERYONE says it. Trouble is, we repeat a lot of things that are derived from the bible, but we have no idea the context under which it was said or the level with which God has intended us to apply it to our lives.
When I'm zeroed in on God's word, life is gravy. It makes sense. It's much simpler and clearer. My decisions seem to be few, my path smooth, and the fruits of my labor seem to be more abundant than the effort I exerted.
Why? It's elementary. It's like color-by-numbers, but on a spiritual level. Nobody questions why their color-by-numbers picture turned out well. They were given specific and direct instruction on how and what to color the individual pieces of the picture... of course it should turn out well, right? Sure. So, why is it that we are given color-by-numbers instructions for how to live our lives and we insist on trying to be some sort of renegade colorer? Then we have the audacity to be dissatisfied and bewildered when the end result of our defiant coloring ends up looking like a piece of artwork in which Salvidor Dali crashed into Van Gogh in a dark alley with neons and human waste. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, it's ugly and it certainly is not 'art'.
I started this by saying that I'm drifting away from God, AGAIN. I'm not angry with Him, not dissatisfied (other than with myself), not feeling abandoned by Him or any other level of contempt. Quite the contrary. Life was going great, it was WONDERFUL! To God be the glory! I was reading a daily email bible study, and had actually added another one and was up to two. I was reading in my bible. I was listening to thought provoking and uplifting podcasts that were speaking volumes to me. I was SEEKING God and He was ALL OVER THE PLACE! I couldn't do a THING without hearing Him, seeing Him, feeling Him. It was amazing.
Well, what happened?
Me. Yep, Me. In my 'I can take care of this' way, I started focusing more on my 'To Do' list and my schedules and didn't make Him the priority that I was making Him. Life got busy and I stopped taking the time to pay attention to Him. I stopped making Him the priority that He should be. See, that's the cool thing that I think often gets overlooked about our relationship with God... We say it SHOULD be this and it SHOULD be that. To say 'should' implies that we have an option for doing otherwise. We have a choice. It's up to us. Our relationship with God is up to us. That choice just so happens to be an unfortuante aspect of it as well, because more consuming of a reality than most, our relationship with God isn't what it SHOULD be. Translate that as we don't consistently and intentionally choose Him in our lives.
Why should He get my first thought of the day, why should He be my top priority above all else, why, why, why? What I've seen in my life is that God wants to bless us and bless our efforts. But, He can't bless what we don't do or even attempt. Bottom line is that if I want to enjoy the peace He gives, I must seek Him in my life through His words and instructions. He doesn't give me complicated instructions like E=mc 2 (that's squared). His instructions are simple and straight forward... just like color all #2's royal blue and all #3's candy apple red. He takes all the guess work out and what I'm left with is an identifiable piece of art that I can sit back and enjoy. That piece of art is called 'my life in Him'.
I type all of this to myself with the hoovering question, "Jenny, Will you choose Him tomorrow?" Only God knows. I pray that I do... I miss His familiar and safe scent in my life.
All my love to you and yours...
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Time
It's amazing how unforgiving time is. Viewed as an enemy, more often than not, that thing called time adds stress to us in such an unrelenting way. A slave-driver, you might say. Due dates, deadlines, time crunches, overbooked, overscheduled... time, time, time, time. We are a production oriented society, so it's all about time! How much can you do in how little TIME? Heck, we've made idols out of peope that can stuff an offensive amount of food down their gullet all because they can do it in such a small amount of time. Every second that passes, is a snapshot of our lives that we will never get back. How did I get to be xx years old? Where did the TIME go? Can't think about that right now... I have a deadline at work to meet. All this and I haven't even begun to touch the infamous 'Time is money' mantra! Man, what an enemy that 'time' truly is.
But wait. Is everything so one sided? In our lives, it is a rare occurrence that something is SO one-sided and mono-chromatic. It has a definitive beginning and end, a single-sided purpose, without exception, without excuse... ONE thing and ONE thing only- end of story. Time, is not that simple. Lest we forget, 'TIME heals all wounds'?
What's prompted my mental ramblings? Well, I've been feeling the punishing afffect of time- watching my kids get bigger, older, wiser, more mature. The days of 'little' slip through my fingers. As many have said, it feels like the tighter I try to grip, the quicker it slips through my hand. But, then I got to thinking. What about the time that has passed? The time that I wouldn't revisit, but wouldn't change. The beauty in time, I suppose. Rick and I have been through so much. TIME, moving as unforgiving and hurried as it does, is probably part of what helped us over the hump. I can't help but think that if time slowed down for just a moment during those times we've been through, that we wouldn't have made it. I don't think we're engineered to endured that which we don't absolutley HAVE to. Given a choice, more often than not, we'll take the less painful or less exerting route. Caught in a thought like this, I'm thankful for all those qualities that TIME has. It's swift and commanding nature... no matter what you do, you're not going to tell TIME how to operate.
WOW, maybe time's not exactly that ill-intended evil-doer that I often feel it to be. In my life and marriage, time has been a healer. It has been a powerful thing to help bring peace and perspective when emotions are fueled, feelings are hurt, and positions must be stood firm. Although I'm sad for the aspect of time that seems to pull my children from my bossom, I'm blessed for it. Blessed for the nurturing way God uses it to mold us and remove us. Remove us from who we were, what we were, where we were, what we were doing, who we were doing it with... and gracefully uses it to get us closer to Him.
Hmmm. Feeling a bit better about time for the moment. Eh, moment's gone... now I have to rush to my 10:30 commitment, having not done what I should have in this interim because I was drawn to sound out some thoughts in cyberspace.
Thanks for sharing in my sharing...
Jenny
But wait. Is everything so one sided? In our lives, it is a rare occurrence that something is SO one-sided and mono-chromatic. It has a definitive beginning and end, a single-sided purpose, without exception, without excuse... ONE thing and ONE thing only- end of story. Time, is not that simple. Lest we forget, 'TIME heals all wounds'?
What's prompted my mental ramblings? Well, I've been feeling the punishing afffect of time- watching my kids get bigger, older, wiser, more mature. The days of 'little' slip through my fingers. As many have said, it feels like the tighter I try to grip, the quicker it slips through my hand. But, then I got to thinking. What about the time that has passed? The time that I wouldn't revisit, but wouldn't change. The beauty in time, I suppose. Rick and I have been through so much. TIME, moving as unforgiving and hurried as it does, is probably part of what helped us over the hump. I can't help but think that if time slowed down for just a moment during those times we've been through, that we wouldn't have made it. I don't think we're engineered to endured that which we don't absolutley HAVE to. Given a choice, more often than not, we'll take the less painful or less exerting route. Caught in a thought like this, I'm thankful for all those qualities that TIME has. It's swift and commanding nature... no matter what you do, you're not going to tell TIME how to operate.
WOW, maybe time's not exactly that ill-intended evil-doer that I often feel it to be. In my life and marriage, time has been a healer. It has been a powerful thing to help bring peace and perspective when emotions are fueled, feelings are hurt, and positions must be stood firm. Although I'm sad for the aspect of time that seems to pull my children from my bossom, I'm blessed for it. Blessed for the nurturing way God uses it to mold us and remove us. Remove us from who we were, what we were, where we were, what we were doing, who we were doing it with... and gracefully uses it to get us closer to Him.
Hmmm. Feeling a bit better about time for the moment. Eh, moment's gone... now I have to rush to my 10:30 commitment, having not done what I should have in this interim because I was drawn to sound out some thoughts in cyberspace.
Thanks for sharing in my sharing...
Jenny
Friday, January 25, 2008
joyful longing
Rick's been out of town since Monday. He returned last night.
I don't think I can sufficiently express what a wonderful feeling it is to miss someone and to be so happy to have them back. Nor could I adequately explain what a blessing it is to have their be such a gaping whole in your life, family, and home when they're away. I don't know if this makes sense, but I don't think I've ever been so happy to miss someone in my life! The implications of that longing are monumental. That sentiment didn't just ripple through our home... it rocked it! The kids were rather melancholy at certain times too. Times that Rick normally would be at his work here, and one of the kids would get quiet and rather solemn, then say, "I wish Daddy didn't have to go to Texas." I was so happy for them. Happy that they had the same feeling and longing to have him near that I did. Happy for Rick. Just happy.
I felt this sigh of relief to my core when I saw him standing at the airport awaiting our pick up. Strange as it seems, I think I heard the house let a sigh of relief when he walked through the door. It was like the rules of life didn't quite work the same while he was away... almost as if the rules of emotional gravity were somehow altered in this Salvador Dali kind of way.
What a relief to have him home. What a blessing he is. What a gift we've been given. God's grace is amazing. His patience with us is infinite. My marriage, moreover, my sincere admiration, respect, and appreciation for my husband, are a testament to God's wisdom, generosity and power. I find myself thanking God for so much. I'm genuinely remorseful for the years that I resented who Rick was as a man. More importantly, I thank God for showing me the man he created Rick to be and, in turn, helping me become the woman God intends me to be. What a blessing. What a blessing.
I pray that you would have the blessing of missing someone in your life.. the gift of longing and the experience of their absence revealing God in your life.
Have a most precious day holding close those God's given you. Trust that He has a plan to use those relationships to help deliver you to His feet and to glorify Him.
In awe and so VERY grateful,
Jenny
I don't think I can sufficiently express what a wonderful feeling it is to miss someone and to be so happy to have them back. Nor could I adequately explain what a blessing it is to have their be such a gaping whole in your life, family, and home when they're away. I don't know if this makes sense, but I don't think I've ever been so happy to miss someone in my life! The implications of that longing are monumental. That sentiment didn't just ripple through our home... it rocked it! The kids were rather melancholy at certain times too. Times that Rick normally would be at his work here, and one of the kids would get quiet and rather solemn, then say, "I wish Daddy didn't have to go to Texas." I was so happy for them. Happy that they had the same feeling and longing to have him near that I did. Happy for Rick. Just happy.
I felt this sigh of relief to my core when I saw him standing at the airport awaiting our pick up. Strange as it seems, I think I heard the house let a sigh of relief when he walked through the door. It was like the rules of life didn't quite work the same while he was away... almost as if the rules of emotional gravity were somehow altered in this Salvador Dali kind of way.
What a relief to have him home. What a blessing he is. What a gift we've been given. God's grace is amazing. His patience with us is infinite. My marriage, moreover, my sincere admiration, respect, and appreciation for my husband, are a testament to God's wisdom, generosity and power. I find myself thanking God for so much. I'm genuinely remorseful for the years that I resented who Rick was as a man. More importantly, I thank God for showing me the man he created Rick to be and, in turn, helping me become the woman God intends me to be. What a blessing. What a blessing.
I pray that you would have the blessing of missing someone in your life.. the gift of longing and the experience of their absence revealing God in your life.
Have a most precious day holding close those God's given you. Trust that He has a plan to use those relationships to help deliver you to His feet and to glorify Him.
In awe and so VERY grateful,
Jenny
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